Heidi did this on her blog, and since I don't blog often and probably won't again for a while, I thought I'd use the inspiration. 20 random things about yourself. I really did strive to be random and not write a bunch of generic things.
1. I loved being pregnant. It's the one time I can remember feeling beautiful, even when I didn't look beautiful at all. I felt beautiful, even on my ugliest days. It was just this deeper, abiding beauty that had nothing to do with how I actually looked.
2. My two favorite boy names are and pretty much always have been Ryan and Ethan. I married a Ryan and named our first son Ethan Ryan. Oops. Sorry to any future sons. I already used up the only ones I like on your eldest brother.
3. My best friend and I are totally different people and sometimes I wonder if we would be friends if we met today for the first time. We became best friends in third grade, though, and it's like sisterhood - we don't need to have anything in common, we don't even need to talk that often, we've still got each others' back forever, no matter what.
4. I've never wished I had a different name. And you wouldn't either, if your name was Lola. Being a Lola makes life more fun. And people want to meet you and then tell people they have a friend named Lola. And when guys go out with you, they like to brag that they took someone named Lola out. It's a fact.
5. Chili's mashed potatoes. They are where it's at. The second my water broke, my mom and husband knew to get to Chili's and get me them potatoes.
6. I really don't dislike anyone. (Except for you. Yeah, I'm looking at you.)
7. When you see me staring off into space, I'm almost undoubtedly analyzing a word in my mind and trying to figure out its origins...or something else equally nerdy but fascinating to me. Anyway, if you think I'm analyzing you, I'm not. I probably looked at you with the intention of mouthing something to you but got lost thinking about my word and never took my eyes off your face. My apologies. You don't look fat in that sweater.
8. Even though I believe I can be happy anywhere, now and then I look out the car window or something and feel completely panicked by how ugly Utah is. It's worse if I've just come from a stressful event, such as the doing of taxes. It's like, "Ohmygosh, not only is life stressing me out, but I'm somewhere ugly! I can't even look out the window for respite and comfort because ALL I SEE IS UGLINESS." Suddenly I feel like a scared child for a few moments. I honestly panic.
9. I don't really ever want a dog because they are generally not soft enough for me. They are coarser than cats and I like soft, cuddly things.
10. The sight of my baby's feet can send me into spasms of joy.
11. I think I am hilarious. Nobody else agrees with me, but at least I can entertain myself. I will lay in bed and laugh at my own jokes. I don't even care that no one else thinks I'm funny. I think I'm funny.
12. I rarely notice anyone's shoes. I know that's supposed to be like a girl thing, to judge a guy by his shoes, or something? I don't notice shoes. I notice if you are a jerk. (Just kidding, but I do like nice people.)
13. I think this is genetic because my grandma, aunt, dad, and a couple siblings are the same way, but I cannot handle cuteness. It is too much for me. I just need to squeeze and bite and devour. I chew on my son all the time. Luckily, he likes it, and laughs. I find myself sort of shaking (so I can quell the intensity of my affections) when I hold a baby that I love and adore. I NEED to chew cute babies! Don't be scurred.
14. Just thinking about the movies Labyrinth or Purple Rain makes me mad. Worst movies ever.
15. I got married on July 11 and had my first baby on July 11 (different years, of course). What's more, July 11 is National Cheer Up the Lonely Day (perfect for a wedding) and World Population Day (perfect for baby-having). It's also National Free Slurpee Day, and that just makes it all the "sweeter!" Ha ha ha...(that's one of those jokes I'll lay in bed cracking up about later).
16. I have a huge pet peeve about people using the word "text" as a past tense thing. IT IS NOT PAST TENSE JUST BECAUSE "XT" MAKES THE "-ed" SOUND! "St" does the same thing, but you wouldn't say, "I blast the music last night." YOU'D SAY YOU BLASTED IT. When someone says, "Well, I text him and told him we'd meet at 5," or something, I have to sit on my hands so as not to break something.
17. I feel like a hypocrite because I say I'm not a bandwagoner, but I've read all of the Harry Potter, Twilight, and Hunger Games books.
18. Before I gave birth, the only girls I knew who'd had 10 pound babies were girls who are like, six feet tall (or at least, taller than average). I was in awe of these women back then. Mine was 9 1/2 pounds, and I'm only five one and a half. He was not a C-section. This makes me feel like I am made of awesome.
19. When I wake up in Oregon on a summer's day, I sneeze (on average) thirty times in a row.
20. My parents say it's my fault my cat went totally crazy and possessed because I named a black cat Snowflake. I was in third grade and I thought it was clever. I still wonder on a regular basis what made that cat turn into a demon.
Monday, April 16, 2012
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Ethan's 6 Month Photos
Here are the six month photos of our sweet Ethan! We love him so much it makes us sick! :-)
Really, he is such a joy. Such a happy, excited, loving person. I never expected to love motherhood so much. I always knew I would love my children. I never doubted that. I sort of doubted how much I'd love actually being a mom, though, and I have been joyfully surprised ("pleasantly surprised" didn't seem like a strong enough way of describing it.)
He was a little tired and hungry when we took these pictures, so he wasn't quite the perma-excited little boy of usual, but we still got some gems.
Really, he is such a joy. Such a happy, excited, loving person. I never expected to love motherhood so much. I always knew I would love my children. I never doubted that. I sort of doubted how much I'd love actually being a mom, though, and I have been joyfully surprised ("pleasantly surprised" didn't seem like a strong enough way of describing it.)
He was a little tired and hungry when we took these pictures, so he wasn't quite the perma-excited little boy of usual, but we still got some gems.
(The photographer said he looks like Eeyore in that last one. Hehe.)
Sunday, January 29, 2012
To anyone with parents
We went to a wedding last night. Ethan got a little bit fussy during the father/daughter/mother/son dance, so I took him out to change him. I'm not even that big of a "Butterfly Kisses" fan, but maybe it was because I'd had a hard day (not as a mom, just as a person...and I'm allowed that here and there, even though I don't often give myself mercy enough to have a bad day). Maybe it was because right before that song, they'd played "A Thousand Years" by Christina Perri for the bride and groom dance, and I'd never heard that song before, and while the bride sobbed, I got to hold and look at and kiss my sweet baby as I heard the beautiful words of that song.
Maybe it was a combination of those things, but as I walked down the hallway and into a dark, empty classroom at the church where the reception was being held, I couldn't hold back the tears and I ducked into the classroom and wept as I went about changing my baby's diaper as usual.
Being a mom hurts. And people who don't have children, or who haven't had a new child in twenty plus years, don't seem to understand this. They tell me I should be grateful for every moment, that I should revel in the joy that each new stage brings about, that I shouldn't be sad about the changes.
I have taken to heart the advice I was given when I was pregnant and that I receive daily as a new mom. I have cherished every moment. I have loved every second, even the harder ones, because I know it will go fast, just like everyone told me. I've never regretted becoming a mother, or wished I'd waited a little longer, or wondered if I should have done this. I've opened my heart to my son and let the love I feel for him wash over me constantly.
And yet, despite all my efforts to cherish and love every moment, it still goes by too fast. And it still hurts. Because you fall in love with someone, only to watch them change into someone else every day. Development at this age goes by so quickly. Think about your spouse. We are all constantly evolving, but relatively speaking, your spouse is the same person they were six months ago. They probably look about the same and sound the same and do the same things. My son is six months old. He is a completely different person today than he was six months ago, when I first held him in my arms. His hair is a different color, his eyes are a different color, he's six and a half inches taller and weighs more than double what he did then. He couldn't even smile six months ago and now he gasps and scream-laughs like a little adult when I walk in the room and make a face at him.
So yes, each stage is new and exciting and wonderful and there is so much joy in all of it, but there is also the heartache that accompanies losing the person they were last week as you fall in love with the person they are today. My heart feels the physical ache of this paradox. Growing pains.
I miss velvety newborn skin and dark, nearly black hair and navy blue eyes. I miss wondering if he'll ever grow eyebrows or eyelashes. I miss that first week, when he'd cry and someone would place him in my arms and he'd instantly stop crying once he locked eyes with mine, and we'd stare at each other, developing an understanding. I miss when he didn't have the ability to express his excitement the way he does now, and how he'd hear my voice and his eyes would widen as much as they could and he'd kick his feet because he just couldn't do anything else with himself to show how excited he was to see me. I miss watching him look curiously at his hands, then put forth is arm and gently bat at something nearby as he learned his hands had useful qualities that were, up until that point, undiscovered.
Something about the words of the song they were playing while the bride and groom danced with their parents. "I'm only gonna kiss you on the cheek tonight." It pulled my heartstrings because now I know a little something about how a parent must feel on their child's wedding day. It sounds silly because Ethan is only six months old, but those six months have flown at the speed of light and I can't help but wonder if the next twenty years will fly by equally fast. If I'll be dancing with my son at his wedding, wondering how this could be happening when I only brought him home from the hospital weeks ago. It was only weeks ago, right?
This is such a sweet and special time because he has no idea how imperfect, how flawed I am. The only thing he knows right now is that I am his mother, that I love and adore him, and that he feels the same way in return. He won't always feel that way about me. I told my husband the other day that right now, it's easy to feel like a good mom. I strive so hard every day to make sure that he is safe, that he is loved, that he is healthy, that he's properly fed, that I work with him on his development and encourage his education. We don't have to work on behavior yet. Right now he's this wonderful, pleasant, blessedly easy baby that I get to adore. It's when he gets a little older that things get confusing, that all the books and methods get conflicting. It's when we get to the behavior stages that I could really mess things up.
I read once in a book called The Five People You Meet In Heaven that all parents damage their children. Youth is like glass, and some parents leave little scratches or cracks in the glass, while others shatter it completely, beyond repair. Okay, so in some way, despite all my best efforts, I will damage my child, at least a little bit. I need to accept that. Okay.
We all pick apart our parents. We analyze what they did right and wrong in raising us. It's a part of the process of self-actualization. It's necessary and we all do it. And someday, my children will do the same with me.
But when that day comes, whether it be when he's ten years old and embarrassed and annoyed because I want to hug him, or when he's a surly teenager who is mad at me because I've wronged him in some way, or when he's a grown man starting his own family; he's not going to be thinking about all the hours I spent lying next to him while he took his naps, staring at his face and thinking how perfect it is, memorizing every feature because I know tomorrow he won't look the same. He won't be thinking about how he was the subject of so many of my earnest prayers. How I prayed and tried every day to be a better woman so I could be the mother he deserves. He won't think about how I could hold him or look at him for hours, thinking how I'd never loved like this, wondering how I was worthy to become his mother, how I could be so blessed just to hold him close and bask in his presence. He won't think about how his smiles and the simple act of resting his head on my shoulder could make my whole day. That I looked at him and thought how I would love him forever, and that I had loved him a thousand years before he was even born. How I felt that way because I couldn't remember a time I didn't love him, when I didn't live for him.
To anyone with parents, go hug your mom. Let her smell your hair. I know a little something about how she feels about you. She likely laid next to you for hours, watching you sleep and wondering how there ever existed a world that didn't include you in it. She probably looked at you and felt her heart grow and thought she was the only person in the world who'd ever felt that way. I know, because it wasn't that long ago for me, how she felt the first time she held you. If you call her and she nags you or worries too much about you, I know how she feels, and please, don't react with so much impatience and annoyance. Just let her love you.
"I have died every day waiting for you
Darling don't be afraid
I have loved you for a thousand years
I love you for a thousand more
And all along I believed I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me
I have loved you for a thousand years
I love you for a thousand more."
Maybe it was a combination of those things, but as I walked down the hallway and into a dark, empty classroom at the church where the reception was being held, I couldn't hold back the tears and I ducked into the classroom and wept as I went about changing my baby's diaper as usual.
Being a mom hurts. And people who don't have children, or who haven't had a new child in twenty plus years, don't seem to understand this. They tell me I should be grateful for every moment, that I should revel in the joy that each new stage brings about, that I shouldn't be sad about the changes.
I have taken to heart the advice I was given when I was pregnant and that I receive daily as a new mom. I have cherished every moment. I have loved every second, even the harder ones, because I know it will go fast, just like everyone told me. I've never regretted becoming a mother, or wished I'd waited a little longer, or wondered if I should have done this. I've opened my heart to my son and let the love I feel for him wash over me constantly.
And yet, despite all my efforts to cherish and love every moment, it still goes by too fast. And it still hurts. Because you fall in love with someone, only to watch them change into someone else every day. Development at this age goes by so quickly. Think about your spouse. We are all constantly evolving, but relatively speaking, your spouse is the same person they were six months ago. They probably look about the same and sound the same and do the same things. My son is six months old. He is a completely different person today than he was six months ago, when I first held him in my arms. His hair is a different color, his eyes are a different color, he's six and a half inches taller and weighs more than double what he did then. He couldn't even smile six months ago and now he gasps and scream-laughs like a little adult when I walk in the room and make a face at him.
So yes, each stage is new and exciting and wonderful and there is so much joy in all of it, but there is also the heartache that accompanies losing the person they were last week as you fall in love with the person they are today. My heart feels the physical ache of this paradox. Growing pains.
I miss velvety newborn skin and dark, nearly black hair and navy blue eyes. I miss wondering if he'll ever grow eyebrows or eyelashes. I miss that first week, when he'd cry and someone would place him in my arms and he'd instantly stop crying once he locked eyes with mine, and we'd stare at each other, developing an understanding. I miss when he didn't have the ability to express his excitement the way he does now, and how he'd hear my voice and his eyes would widen as much as they could and he'd kick his feet because he just couldn't do anything else with himself to show how excited he was to see me. I miss watching him look curiously at his hands, then put forth is arm and gently bat at something nearby as he learned his hands had useful qualities that were, up until that point, undiscovered.
Something about the words of the song they were playing while the bride and groom danced with their parents. "I'm only gonna kiss you on the cheek tonight." It pulled my heartstrings because now I know a little something about how a parent must feel on their child's wedding day. It sounds silly because Ethan is only six months old, but those six months have flown at the speed of light and I can't help but wonder if the next twenty years will fly by equally fast. If I'll be dancing with my son at his wedding, wondering how this could be happening when I only brought him home from the hospital weeks ago. It was only weeks ago, right?
This is such a sweet and special time because he has no idea how imperfect, how flawed I am. The only thing he knows right now is that I am his mother, that I love and adore him, and that he feels the same way in return. He won't always feel that way about me. I told my husband the other day that right now, it's easy to feel like a good mom. I strive so hard every day to make sure that he is safe, that he is loved, that he is healthy, that he's properly fed, that I work with him on his development and encourage his education. We don't have to work on behavior yet. Right now he's this wonderful, pleasant, blessedly easy baby that I get to adore. It's when he gets a little older that things get confusing, that all the books and methods get conflicting. It's when we get to the behavior stages that I could really mess things up.
I read once in a book called The Five People You Meet In Heaven that all parents damage their children. Youth is like glass, and some parents leave little scratches or cracks in the glass, while others shatter it completely, beyond repair. Okay, so in some way, despite all my best efforts, I will damage my child, at least a little bit. I need to accept that. Okay.
We all pick apart our parents. We analyze what they did right and wrong in raising us. It's a part of the process of self-actualization. It's necessary and we all do it. And someday, my children will do the same with me.
But when that day comes, whether it be when he's ten years old and embarrassed and annoyed because I want to hug him, or when he's a surly teenager who is mad at me because I've wronged him in some way, or when he's a grown man starting his own family; he's not going to be thinking about all the hours I spent lying next to him while he took his naps, staring at his face and thinking how perfect it is, memorizing every feature because I know tomorrow he won't look the same. He won't be thinking about how he was the subject of so many of my earnest prayers. How I prayed and tried every day to be a better woman so I could be the mother he deserves. He won't think about how I could hold him or look at him for hours, thinking how I'd never loved like this, wondering how I was worthy to become his mother, how I could be so blessed just to hold him close and bask in his presence. He won't think about how his smiles and the simple act of resting his head on my shoulder could make my whole day. That I looked at him and thought how I would love him forever, and that I had loved him a thousand years before he was even born. How I felt that way because I couldn't remember a time I didn't love him, when I didn't live for him.
To anyone with parents, go hug your mom. Let her smell your hair. I know a little something about how she feels about you. She likely laid next to you for hours, watching you sleep and wondering how there ever existed a world that didn't include you in it. She probably looked at you and felt her heart grow and thought she was the only person in the world who'd ever felt that way. I know, because it wasn't that long ago for me, how she felt the first time she held you. If you call her and she nags you or worries too much about you, I know how she feels, and please, don't react with so much impatience and annoyance. Just let her love you.
"I have died every day waiting for you
Darling don't be afraid
I have loved you for a thousand years
I love you for a thousand more
And all along I believed I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me
I have loved you for a thousand years
I love you for a thousand more."
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Because Mary gave birth in a manger
It has burned me up since Ethan was born that he had to be in the NICU and for no reason, as test results later proved. Aside from the enormous bill that racked up, the main reason I was so mad was because I didn't get to be with my baby as much as I wanted in his first few days. I didn't get my first night I'd always dreamed of, holding him and staring at him and having him look back at me and just reveling in the joy and bonding together. Instead he spent that first night all hooked up. Being cared for by random nurses who got to do his first diaper change and figure out that he liked being bounced and didn't like a pacifier. He had to lay on a table and be checked on now and again, instead of being constantly in my arms and knowing he was loved. It's really burned me up.
During testimony meeting on Sunday, a woman I know stood up and bore her testimony. She just had her third baby. She bore her testimony of great women that have come before us. She talked about Mary, and how labor is such a scary and intense experience as it is, but Mary had to ride a donkey in labor and give birth outside on the ground in the cold surrounded by animals. She said how frightening and hard that must have been. Tears filled my eyes. In that moment I decided to let go of my anger. I will probably always feel a little heartache over the first night, not getting to be with him, and I think I have every right to feel sad about it. But I'm not angry anymore. Mary certainly didn't have the ideal birth experience. The task before her was far greater than my own, and required so much more faith. I'm sure it wasn't her life's dream to bring her sweet baby into the world on a bed of hay and into a world where others would persecute and try to harm him. And because of Mary, I am letting go.
During testimony meeting on Sunday, a woman I know stood up and bore her testimony. She just had her third baby. She bore her testimony of great women that have come before us. She talked about Mary, and how labor is such a scary and intense experience as it is, but Mary had to ride a donkey in labor and give birth outside on the ground in the cold surrounded by animals. She said how frightening and hard that must have been. Tears filled my eyes. In that moment I decided to let go of my anger. I will probably always feel a little heartache over the first night, not getting to be with him, and I think I have every right to feel sad about it. But I'm not angry anymore. Mary certainly didn't have the ideal birth experience. The task before her was far greater than my own, and required so much more faith. I'm sure it wasn't her life's dream to bring her sweet baby into the world on a bed of hay and into a world where others would persecute and try to harm him. And because of Mary, I am letting go.
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Thankful
Happy Thanksgiving! It is time for my tradition of writing a list of things I'm thankful for, in the amount of my age.
I'm thankful for...
1. Ryan. I know it goes without saying that I am thankful for my husband, but I still think it's important to say it. I'm thankful for him because he is the best partner for me, and he has done the best job since the baby was born of showing me that I am still his number one priority and that I matter so much to him and I come first. I'm thankful for him because he works hard so that I can be home with our baby. I'm thankful for him because he is a great dad and cares so much about our son. I'm thankful for him because he tells me that my changed, post-pregnancy body is beautiful because it shows what I did. I'm thankful because I know that so many other blessings I am thankful for are a part of my life because I chose to marry him.
2. Ethan. I am thankful to Ethan because he is the one who made me a mother. I'm thankful for him because he makes my day with his smiles, laughs, baby sounds, when his eyes get wide and he kicks his feet because he's excited that I looked at him or spoke to him. I'm thankful for him because he is so loving - you can see it in his eyes, almost like when he looks at you sometimes, it's as though he has a thought bubble above his head that reads, "I love you." I'm thankful for him because he sleeps through the night (thank you Ethan). I'm thankful for him because he has made my heart grow - not just for him, but for others. I look at everyone now as someone's son or daughter, and it makes me have more compassion for others. I'm thankful for him because being his mother has given me answers to questions I've pondered over my whole life. I'm thankful for him because he has taught me that sacrifice doesn't have to feel like sacrifice.
3. Mom. I'm thankful for her because she is a giver. She gives and gives and gives to her children (and to others). I'm thankful because she's provided an excellent example of sacrificing for her children - I never did understand why she didn't seem to feel that she was sacrificing, and I understand her better now that I'm a mother. I'm thankful that she is always there for me and listens to every detail and worry. I'm thankful that she always wants to help in whatever capacity she can, and I'm thankful that she is such a wonderful grandma to my Ethan.
4. Dad. I'm thankful for him because he is always able to calm my fears or lay my worries to rest with logic and evidence. I'm thankful that I can call him anytime with a question and he'll go look up the answer for me. I'm thankful because he makes me laugh (especially with his text messages) and gets fired up for me when I've been dealt an injustice. :-)
5. Joseph. I'm thankful for my brother because even though it didn't look possible, he made it happen so that he could come to Utah and surprise me and be there for Ethan's baby blessing. I'm so thankful he did that. I'm thankful for him because he makes me laugh, and I have a lot of great memories of him from high school because he was such a good friend to me and would be protective of me, and come talk to me at night until I fell asleep.
6. Rachel. I'm thankful for my sister and that she lives nearby now and that I get to see her so much. I'm thankful for her because she will baby-sit so Ry and I can go to the temple, or she'll come hold the baby while I clean. I'm thankful for her because she'll see that toilet paper or paper towel is on sale for a really good deal, and buy me some. Or she'll see that my favorite ice cream is on sale and buy it for me. She'll pick up a Sunday paper, unrequested, for me so that I can try my hand at couponing. I'm thankful for her because she is such a great example to me when it comes to the gospel. She is a great example of someone who seeks the Lord's guidance and follows it. I'm thankful that she is such a great influence on me and that she is one of my best friends.
7. Sam. I'm thankful for my brother and that he lives in Utah now and I get to see him on long weekends. I'm thankful for him because he has got to be one of (if not THE) nicest and most helpful people I have ever met. He comes to visit and takes out the trash, does my dishes, willingly and happily holds the baby for me for as long as is needed so I can get things done, is happy to baby-sit so Ry and I can go on a date, and is so nice to me. I tend to apologize a lot ("I didn't have enough of this particular spice so dinner might not taste that great I'm sorry!") and he always reassures me and makes me feel better. When I do something dumb and make the comment, "I'm a bad mother!" He always tells me that "bad mother" is the last thing he thinks of me. He's always so helpful and nice to me and I'm really thankful for him.
8. Elena. I'm thankful for my littlest sister and her phone calls, text messages, Facebook communication, emails, etc. I love hearing (or imagining) her sweet voice, and she's just got a fun way of speaking that puts a smile on my face. I'm thankful for Elena because she was born when I was almost twelve, and I got to have a big part in taking care of her as a baby, and she is the one who gave me the desire to be and the faith that I could be a mother. I thought if I loved her that much, then I could probably love my own child a whole lot, too. I'm thankful for her because for some reason, she's kind of my conscience. Because of her existence, I have more compassion.
9. Noah. I'm thankful for my baby brother and the host of funny and/or sweet memories that the little boy Noah gave me, many of which are documented in my journal for me to enjoy over and over again. I'm thankful for him because he has a big heart, and he loves my son and wants to help take care of him when he's in town. I'm thankful for him because he shows kind gestures when I'm sick (turning on soft music for me to help me feel better) and he is always thoughtful - giving me a rock shaped like a heart, etc. I'm thankful for him because he was a great example to me when he was preparing to be baptized.
10. Aunt Pam. I'm thankful for her because she is the BEST aunt anyone could ask for. I'm thankful that she has made the drive from Seattle to Portland at least a thousand times so that she can be there for all of us six kids when we have something going on - first day of school, recitals, etc. Sometimes she even makes the trip there and back in one day. I'm thankful that she lived with us for a big part of my childhood and when she moved, she made and continually makes the effort to still be just as huge a part of our lives. I'm thankful for her because she is an excellent listener and always listens to me go on and on and acts interested, even though much of the time I am probably not saying anything interesting. I'm thankful that she's great at keeping in contact via Facebook and email, and I'm thankful for her awesome laugh (especially when she and my mom laugh together).
11. Uncle Dave. I'm thankful for him because even though he stole Aunt Pam away when I was in fifth grade, and I hated him for it for a little while, he has become one of my favorite people. I'm thankful that he makes the effort to come visit us with Aunt Pam when he can and that I've gotten to spend so many holidays with him. I'm thankful for him because you know he thinks of you - he'll send an email or a recipe or a link and you'll know that you were thought of because he saw something and had to share it with you. He is also good at thoughtful gifts and I'm still thankful for the awesome recipe box he gave me (backed up on CD, even) when I went to college. I'm thankful for him because he makes me laugh, a lot.
12. Aunt Connie. I'm thankful for her because since I was a little girl, she has been such an amazing example to me of charity. I'm thankful for her because she always texts back, and she loves to hear about and see my little boy. I'm thankful for her because she infuses everything she does with so much joy, laughter, and heart. It's made my life - holidays, my wedding, etc. - that much more enjoyable and memorable.
13. My family acquired by marriage. I'm so thankful to get along so well with my in-laws. I'm thankful that my son has cousins. I'm thankful he has aunts and uncles who care about him. I'm thankful to be close to both my sisters-in-law and to learn from them and spend time with them, and that we all had baby boys in the same year and that we were brought closer by that event - and will probably be kept close throughout the years because we all have sons in the same year of school.
14. Our next door neighbors. Kam and Steve are a huge blessing in our lives. I'm thankful that they are great neighbors as well as great friends. I'm thankful that we live next to what I would call "high-quality people." Integrity, sense of humor, wholesome, spiritual, logical, and the kind of people you just feel safe around. I'm thankful that they are always there for a helping hand, a laugh, company when my husband is out of town, for near-daily stroller walks with Kam, for their little girl Ruthie and how Ryan and I can chuckle together hours later over a "Remember when Ruthie did _____?" I'm really thankful to live next door to these people.
15. The gospel. I'm thankful for the knowledge it gives me and the light it sheds on my understanding of everything.
16. Breastfeeding. I'm thankful for it on so many levels.
17. Cloth diapering. I'm thankful that it's allowed us to save money, avoid adding to landfills, keep our baby away from chemicals, and avoid blow-outs and diaper rash. And that they make Ethan's bum look so cute. :-)
18. The temple. I'm thankful for the little bit of Heaven it adds to my life here on Earth.
19. That I get to be the beneficiary of Ethan's smiles, laughs, and loving glances.
20. Gospel Principles manual. It is chock full of doctrine, is easy to read, and is a great resource to answer so many questions and lay so much speculation to rest.
21. HypnoBirthing.
22. Midwives, particularly the one who delivered Ethan, and her presence of mind at the end of delivery when a dangerous situation presented itself. I'm thankful that with the help of a nurse and Ryan, she and I together were able to bring Ethan safely into the world.
23. Good music and the talented musicians who create it.
24. Childbirth and what it taught me about the Atonement.
25. The Internet. How did anyone raise a child without it? I'm thankful that I can research anything and everything. I'm thankful for the Internet for teaching me how to cloth diaper, how to make baby food, activities I can do with my baby to encourage his development, and more. Thank you Internet for helping me be a better parent.
26. That families can be together forever.
I'm thankful for...
1. Ryan. I know it goes without saying that I am thankful for my husband, but I still think it's important to say it. I'm thankful for him because he is the best partner for me, and he has done the best job since the baby was born of showing me that I am still his number one priority and that I matter so much to him and I come first. I'm thankful for him because he works hard so that I can be home with our baby. I'm thankful for him because he is a great dad and cares so much about our son. I'm thankful for him because he tells me that my changed, post-pregnancy body is beautiful because it shows what I did. I'm thankful because I know that so many other blessings I am thankful for are a part of my life because I chose to marry him.
2. Ethan. I am thankful to Ethan because he is the one who made me a mother. I'm thankful for him because he makes my day with his smiles, laughs, baby sounds, when his eyes get wide and he kicks his feet because he's excited that I looked at him or spoke to him. I'm thankful for him because he is so loving - you can see it in his eyes, almost like when he looks at you sometimes, it's as though he has a thought bubble above his head that reads, "I love you." I'm thankful for him because he sleeps through the night (thank you Ethan). I'm thankful for him because he has made my heart grow - not just for him, but for others. I look at everyone now as someone's son or daughter, and it makes me have more compassion for others. I'm thankful for him because being his mother has given me answers to questions I've pondered over my whole life. I'm thankful for him because he has taught me that sacrifice doesn't have to feel like sacrifice.
3. Mom. I'm thankful for her because she is a giver. She gives and gives and gives to her children (and to others). I'm thankful because she's provided an excellent example of sacrificing for her children - I never did understand why she didn't seem to feel that she was sacrificing, and I understand her better now that I'm a mother. I'm thankful that she is always there for me and listens to every detail and worry. I'm thankful that she always wants to help in whatever capacity she can, and I'm thankful that she is such a wonderful grandma to my Ethan.
4. Dad. I'm thankful for him because he is always able to calm my fears or lay my worries to rest with logic and evidence. I'm thankful that I can call him anytime with a question and he'll go look up the answer for me. I'm thankful because he makes me laugh (especially with his text messages) and gets fired up for me when I've been dealt an injustice. :-)
5. Joseph. I'm thankful for my brother because even though it didn't look possible, he made it happen so that he could come to Utah and surprise me and be there for Ethan's baby blessing. I'm so thankful he did that. I'm thankful for him because he makes me laugh, and I have a lot of great memories of him from high school because he was such a good friend to me and would be protective of me, and come talk to me at night until I fell asleep.
6. Rachel. I'm thankful for my sister and that she lives nearby now and that I get to see her so much. I'm thankful for her because she will baby-sit so Ry and I can go to the temple, or she'll come hold the baby while I clean. I'm thankful for her because she'll see that toilet paper or paper towel is on sale for a really good deal, and buy me some. Or she'll see that my favorite ice cream is on sale and buy it for me. She'll pick up a Sunday paper, unrequested, for me so that I can try my hand at couponing. I'm thankful for her because she is such a great example to me when it comes to the gospel. She is a great example of someone who seeks the Lord's guidance and follows it. I'm thankful that she is such a great influence on me and that she is one of my best friends.
7. Sam. I'm thankful for my brother and that he lives in Utah now and I get to see him on long weekends. I'm thankful for him because he has got to be one of (if not THE) nicest and most helpful people I have ever met. He comes to visit and takes out the trash, does my dishes, willingly and happily holds the baby for me for as long as is needed so I can get things done, is happy to baby-sit so Ry and I can go on a date, and is so nice to me. I tend to apologize a lot ("I didn't have enough of this particular spice so dinner might not taste that great I'm sorry!") and he always reassures me and makes me feel better. When I do something dumb and make the comment, "I'm a bad mother!" He always tells me that "bad mother" is the last thing he thinks of me. He's always so helpful and nice to me and I'm really thankful for him.
8. Elena. I'm thankful for my littlest sister and her phone calls, text messages, Facebook communication, emails, etc. I love hearing (or imagining) her sweet voice, and she's just got a fun way of speaking that puts a smile on my face. I'm thankful for Elena because she was born when I was almost twelve, and I got to have a big part in taking care of her as a baby, and she is the one who gave me the desire to be and the faith that I could be a mother. I thought if I loved her that much, then I could probably love my own child a whole lot, too. I'm thankful for her because for some reason, she's kind of my conscience. Because of her existence, I have more compassion.
9. Noah. I'm thankful for my baby brother and the host of funny and/or sweet memories that the little boy Noah gave me, many of which are documented in my journal for me to enjoy over and over again. I'm thankful for him because he has a big heart, and he loves my son and wants to help take care of him when he's in town. I'm thankful for him because he shows kind gestures when I'm sick (turning on soft music for me to help me feel better) and he is always thoughtful - giving me a rock shaped like a heart, etc. I'm thankful for him because he was a great example to me when he was preparing to be baptized.
10. Aunt Pam. I'm thankful for her because she is the BEST aunt anyone could ask for. I'm thankful that she has made the drive from Seattle to Portland at least a thousand times so that she can be there for all of us six kids when we have something going on - first day of school, recitals, etc. Sometimes she even makes the trip there and back in one day. I'm thankful that she lived with us for a big part of my childhood and when she moved, she made and continually makes the effort to still be just as huge a part of our lives. I'm thankful for her because she is an excellent listener and always listens to me go on and on and acts interested, even though much of the time I am probably not saying anything interesting. I'm thankful that she's great at keeping in contact via Facebook and email, and I'm thankful for her awesome laugh (especially when she and my mom laugh together).
11. Uncle Dave. I'm thankful for him because even though he stole Aunt Pam away when I was in fifth grade, and I hated him for it for a little while, he has become one of my favorite people. I'm thankful that he makes the effort to come visit us with Aunt Pam when he can and that I've gotten to spend so many holidays with him. I'm thankful for him because you know he thinks of you - he'll send an email or a recipe or a link and you'll know that you were thought of because he saw something and had to share it with you. He is also good at thoughtful gifts and I'm still thankful for the awesome recipe box he gave me (backed up on CD, even) when I went to college. I'm thankful for him because he makes me laugh, a lot.
12. Aunt Connie. I'm thankful for her because since I was a little girl, she has been such an amazing example to me of charity. I'm thankful for her because she always texts back, and she loves to hear about and see my little boy. I'm thankful for her because she infuses everything she does with so much joy, laughter, and heart. It's made my life - holidays, my wedding, etc. - that much more enjoyable and memorable.
13. My family acquired by marriage. I'm so thankful to get along so well with my in-laws. I'm thankful that my son has cousins. I'm thankful he has aunts and uncles who care about him. I'm thankful to be close to both my sisters-in-law and to learn from them and spend time with them, and that we all had baby boys in the same year and that we were brought closer by that event - and will probably be kept close throughout the years because we all have sons in the same year of school.
14. Our next door neighbors. Kam and Steve are a huge blessing in our lives. I'm thankful that they are great neighbors as well as great friends. I'm thankful that we live next to what I would call "high-quality people." Integrity, sense of humor, wholesome, spiritual, logical, and the kind of people you just feel safe around. I'm thankful that they are always there for a helping hand, a laugh, company when my husband is out of town, for near-daily stroller walks with Kam, for their little girl Ruthie and how Ryan and I can chuckle together hours later over a "Remember when Ruthie did _____?" I'm really thankful to live next door to these people.
15. The gospel. I'm thankful for the knowledge it gives me and the light it sheds on my understanding of everything.
16. Breastfeeding. I'm thankful for it on so many levels.
17. Cloth diapering. I'm thankful that it's allowed us to save money, avoid adding to landfills, keep our baby away from chemicals, and avoid blow-outs and diaper rash. And that they make Ethan's bum look so cute. :-)
18. The temple. I'm thankful for the little bit of Heaven it adds to my life here on Earth.
19. That I get to be the beneficiary of Ethan's smiles, laughs, and loving glances.
20. Gospel Principles manual. It is chock full of doctrine, is easy to read, and is a great resource to answer so many questions and lay so much speculation to rest.
21. HypnoBirthing.
22. Midwives, particularly the one who delivered Ethan, and her presence of mind at the end of delivery when a dangerous situation presented itself. I'm thankful that with the help of a nurse and Ryan, she and I together were able to bring Ethan safely into the world.
23. Good music and the talented musicians who create it.
24. Childbirth and what it taught me about the Atonement.
25. The Internet. How did anyone raise a child without it? I'm thankful that I can research anything and everything. I'm thankful for the Internet for teaching me how to cloth diaper, how to make baby food, activities I can do with my baby to encourage his development, and more. Thank you Internet for helping me be a better parent.
26. That families can be together forever.
Saturday, September 10, 2011
A video of our Ethan
Just thought I'd share a little video of the cutest baby ever:
He's been rolling over since he was between 5 and 6 weeks old, and we have lots of videos of good rollovers on our video camera, from which we can't yet post videos. This rollover isn't one of his good ones, but I like the video because I just think he's so stinking cute. He's 8 weeks old here.
He's been rolling over since he was between 5 and 6 weeks old, and we have lots of videos of good rollovers on our video camera, from which we can't yet post videos. This rollover isn't one of his good ones, but I like the video because I just think he's so stinking cute. He's 8 weeks old here.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Welcome to the world, sweet baby boy.
Ethan Ryan Copeland was born July 11, 2011, on our two-year wedding anniversary. He was 9 1/2 pounds, 21 inches long. Labor was long. My water broke Saturday evening and he was born early Monday morning. We used the HypnoBirthing method and it was a rewarding experience that bonded Ryan and I in amazing ways. He was a champion throughout such a long and difficult labor. They told me I could begin pushing and Ryan leaned over and whispered, "Happy Anniversary," and kissed me. I looked at the clock and sure enough, it was midnight. After three hours of pushing, our sweet baby was here. The moment he arrived was intense - he was in some trouble. I was shoved backward, all the nurses in the room jumped on me, one of them pushing hard on my stomach, and I heard the midwife, who had been so encouraging and positive the whole time, say frantically, "Lola, push NOW." She had told me the last one was the final push and I thought I'd given everything I had, thought I had no more to give, but in the split second that everything was happening, all I knew was that tone in her voice. I knew I had to summon everything inside of me and give all the strength I didn't have. I'd tried so hard to keep labor peaceful and quiet so my baby could enter the world gently, but it was in that moment that I finally really cried out as I reached inside and gave everything. And then he was there. The next few moments were emotional and crazy, but when he eventually heard my voice, he stopped crying. They laid him on my chest and I knew that he knew me.
We love this beautiful baby.
We love this beautiful baby.
"For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also."
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